I love talking about birth. It kind of
freaked me out when I was pregnant, but now I seriously love hearing how each
baby I meet entered the world. I especially love natural birth stories. I was
sharing a brief version of Samantha’s birth story (the full version can be
found here) with some friends, and a mom of two recently asked me how I knew
“all this stuff” about alternative options for birth. My answer was quite
simple: my incredible sister has seven children, two of whom were born at home.
Throughout my pregnancy, she patiently fielded all of my questions and gently
provided guidance, support, and information. I was also able to talk freely
with my mom about her personal experiences “back in the day.” Between these two
awesome women, I was able to educate myself about the birth experience the way
women *used* to – by learning from their mothers, sisters, aunts, and cousins,
instead of from doctors with whom they had no prior relationship. But I realize
that I had a unique opportunity, and most women nowadays don’t have quite that
network of women.
There are literally thousands of resources out there now to
help guide women through conception, pregnancy, birth, and motherhood. This is
both a good and bad thing. It is fantastic that there is information available
in books and on the internet, but with so much
information out there, a lot of it seems to contradict each other. Especially
when your brain is flooded with pregnancy hormones, it is difficult to filter
through all the differing opinions of what is “best” and make a decision based
on what is best for you and your baby.
However, I think it is extremely important for women to
educate themselves about this incredibly special occasion. Most women spend
(significantly) more time researching and preparing for their wedding day than
they do for their birth experience. Of course, weddings are important events,
but birth is the act of bringing another human being into the world – it is THE
most important event (at least, in my opinion). So, just like most of us
wouldn’t hand over all the details of
our wedding to an “expert” (wedding planner, well-organized friend, whatever)
without at least getting the chance to veto the floral design or express our
wishes for the meal, we shouldn’t just go blindly into birth and assume that
everything the experts (doctors, midwives, nurses, whatever) want to do is what
is best for you. None of these people
are experts on you and your baby.
I would like to advocate here for women (and their partners)
to make informed decisions and be actively involved in the birth process. Disclaimer: I am
by no means trying to invalidate the experience of those who did not have
natural births (whether by choice or by chance). I believe each woman needs to
seriously consider what is best for her and her baby, and to make decisions
based upon that information. That said, I also believe that our bodies are
designed to birth babies – without medical intervention – the majority of the
time. I believe that pregnancy and birth are not illnesses to be treated and
managed by doctors on a schedule, but are experiences designed to transition a
woman into motherhood. These experiences are not easy, will rarely fit into a
perfect time table, and will, ultimately bring forth two new beings: the baby,
and the mother. It is the most awesome, terrifying, and empowering experience a
person can have.
Anyway, because I am always interested in discussing birth
with anyone who will listen, I have often been asked for recommendations on the
various books and resources that I have found helpful. I did a lot of reading
and internet searching while preparing for Samantha (and even more since she
has arrived), and many of these resources have been recommended to me by other
mothers. I wanted to share a list of some of my favorites. Most of these follow
the type of birth/parenting “philosophy*” that I adhere to, so if you’re not
interested in that, then you probably won’t find these recommendations helpful.
Please feel free to comment with other recommendations, as well.
*”Parenting philosophy” is a term I use loosely, since I
think trying to put everything you believe into one ideology/set of rules is a
sure way to set yourself up for frustration with a baby (and I can only speak
about parenting itself from my perspective with a particularly adorable eight
month old). However, if you’d like some clarification on how I would define my
“style” , I’d say part attachment parenting, part “instinctual” parenting, and
part “make it up as you go” parenting. It is not the easiest way to parent, and
probably not the most effective, but it’s what feels right to me and my
husband, so that’s what we do.*
Anyway, back to the recommendations:
For Pregnancy:
*The Pregnancy Book by Dr. Sears – this goes month by month
with what to expect. Dr. Sears is one of the main advocates of attachment
parenting, and I have read many of his books. The cover on this one is a bit
1980’s looking, but the information inside is solid.
*What to Expect When You’re Expecting – this is probably the
most popular book. I read this side-by-side with The Pregnancy Book, each a
month at a time so I wouldn’t get overwhelmed. This book represents every
single possible spectrum, so it is good for pretty much all mothers, regardless
of what they are considering. However, I will say that while it discusses
natural birth, it is a bit light on some of the alternative options or other
more natural approaches to pregnancy, which is why the Dr. Sears book is a good
companion.
For Nutrition:
*Real Food for Mother and Baby by Nina Plank – I didn’t read
this until just a few months ago, so it wasn’t helpful to me during my
pregnancy, but I wish I had read it then! It follows the ideas Plank shares in
her book Real Food (simply: processed food, “low fat/carb/calorie/whatever”,
and things like “cheese products” are not, actually, food, and that real food in its natural, complete form is quite
healthy and good for us… Imagine that!) In this version of the book, she gives
ideas for diets for increasing fertility and conception, for pregnancy, for
breastfeeding, and for feeding baby when s/he starts solid foods. While I was
pregnant, I did try to read “What to Eat While You’re Expecting,” and the Dr.
Sears book also had nutrition guidelines, but I have a hard time counting
calories, or protein/carb/fat intake, so this holistic approach to eating well
to help baby grow and help prepare your body for its biggest physical challenge
is simple and wonderful.
For Birth:
*The Birth Book by Dr. Sears – I think this book is
extremely important. What to Expect covers every single option for birth
available – from drug free to elective C-section – and that is all fine to
know. This book, however, while covering all of these topics, puts a lot of
emphasis on natural birth and alternative birth options. It discusses all of
the tests that will be done during your pregnancy (which, by the way, did you
know that you have the right to refuse any test or treatment if you want? This
information was the most liberating thing I learned while pregnant. While I
only turned down one screening early on – to see if there were any genetic
defects in the baby, since we knew we would have the baby regardless of the
results and the test can show a false positive and cause unnecessary worry for
the remainder of your pregnancy – it was still comforting to know that D and I
could be in control of our baby’s wellbeing from the very beginning). Anyway,
it also discusses putting together your birth team – selecting your
doctor/midwife, and choosing who will be with you (partner, doula, family,
friends) – as well as writing your birth plan. It discusses the pros and cons of various birthing locations (home, birth center, hospital). It also thoroughly explains all
of the stages of birth and everything to expect. Honestly, by the time I went
to my birth class, I knew all of the information already because of this book.
It’s a good read if you want to be really well informed. It might even help you
prepare yourself to avoid any unnecessary but all-too-common medical
interventions. Knowledge is power, afterall.
(Notice
there is only one book under this heading? Even though it’s the main topic of
my blog post? That’s because I only read this one book specifically on the
subject of birth [other books touched on it] and felt that I had all the information
I needed to make informed decisions throughout the process.)
*The Business of Being Born. This isn’t a book, it’s a
documentary. And it’s amazing. And okay, it made me cry when I watched it with
my fearful early pregnancy hormones, but it opened up my eyes to quite a lot of
information. Like any documentary, it has a specific spin (this is very
homebirth oriented), but I think it is especially important for those planning a hospital birth. It clearly demonstrates the effects of extraneous
medical interventions, as well as reveals some of the (now out of date) rather scary
aspects of medicalized birth history (twilight sleep, anyone?) It also shows how incredibly awesome and transformative birth can be. Be advised
that it does depict actual birth scenes, although none of that close-up
nonsense of the baby emerging (which, I’m told by my husband, is “crazy and beautiful and a
confluence of emotion that is hard to describe” when you witness it on a loved
one, but might not evoke quite the same emotions when watching a stranger on
the tv screen). These scenes are very… well, real, of laboring women, and if you’re getting ready to have a baby
and you have never seen a birth before, these are the ones to watch. They might
not be pretty, but they are absolutely beautiful. Honestly, if you only take one recommendation from this blog, I hope it is to watch this movie. Seriously.
I have been able to find most, if not all, of these
resources at my local library. As I said earlier, there are thousands of books
out there on pregnancy, nutrition, and birth, and I am sure each one has at
least a glimmer of good information. These are just the resources that I found
particularly helpful during my pregnancy, and that I routinely loan to friends.
I am very interested to hear what resources have been helpful to others during
pregnancy, so please comment with other recommendations!
